Good Knight?

I thought of you today...

I wish it was yesterday morning.

Now and again I find myself awake in the small hours of the morning, scared.

Of what? I can't say.

There's a place on the back of my heart that pricks me awake at night, and causes me to jump up with a gasp. A feeling that I'm no longer viable. That my life means absolutely nothing anymore. That I'm no longer a Knight fighting for the cause of good in this world. That somehow being a younger man made me a more meaningful force.

I don't think that many women will be able to understand or identify with this, but believe me when I say that your men understand.

I'm convinced that most men want to be a white knight. A champion willing to fight for honor, a Knight of Good. But so many don't know or haven't been shown how. So many turn to the things from their past that made them feel like some sort of warrior; sports, camaraderie, physical accomplishments, and conquests.

You can bet that in the absence of other physical challenges the challenge of some bar fight or random sexual conquest will make some men feel like they are significant again if they don't already feel that way.

I recently spent a night with my Mother-in-Law watching home movies of my Lovely Ariana as a young girl. And although this can be a fun, and indeed funny thing, it made me feel very humbled. Watching the grown woman I love as a young girl, made me acutely aware of my responsibility to her, to her parents, and to the hand that brought us together. I told her Mother, that I knew what she expected of me for her daughter. Although I didn't say it expressly, I knew she expected a white knight; a champion, virtuous, noble, caring, but also strong and willing to fight for her honor.

I hope that I am all of that. My fear is that I'm not living up to the Lord's expectations for the gift he's given me.

Look into the eyes of most old men. You'll see the very dream I've mentioned above awakened. In the sad eyes of an old man is the dream of a white knight fighting for his love and emerging a champion.