An Apple a Day

Ari says:
Bart didn't want me to blog about this incident, but since he's not here and since he's not an active participant right now, I'm gonna tell it anyway. So there. In true keeping with all things office related, our department loves to celebrate birthdays. It's really just an excuse to eat a lot of junk that you normally wouldn't and get away from your desk for 30 minutes. Yesterday I volunteered to bring in a fruit tray of some sort for our shindig that was taking place today. After quite a long trip to Hallmark last night (no real reason, I just couldn't make up my mind), I headed over to Kroger ("the grocery," Bradley) to pick up said tray. Side note: did you know that fruit trays are a ga-billion dollars now? OMG! Anyway, while filtering through the massively expensive arrays of fruit, I found a smaller tray with sliced apples and a ramekin of caramel. Perfect! Upon further inspection, though, I realized that the caramel in this particular tray had been replaced by "Ranch Veggie Dip." I had a good laugh at this one and in true Ariana-fashion, turned around to share my joy in this mishap with someone else. I found only a small Asian woman who looked like she wanted to shake a chicken at me or something. Oh well. I then put the tray I found and a correct one in my cart thinking: "I would be upset if I got this home and didn't notice it, so I'll give it to someone on staff who can either fix or remove the offending tray." I got the rest of my meager shopping done and found an "employee" standing at a small podium which I assumed meant he was there to be helpful. To be honest, I knew this exchange was going to be bad before we had even exchanged words (I have a keen sense about these things). This worker (würker) was leaning against his podium, staring longingly between a magazine with Paris Hilton on the cover and a Hershey's bar (tough choice). Anyway, I walked up and, as politely as I could, handed him the tray and said that if possible, the store should change the dip in the container. His response: "So, what's your question?" (Yeah, this was not going to go well) I pointed to the ranch and said that, although it is a lovely condiment, it probably isn't the best accompaniment to apples. I added that it probably wouldn't be a big seller for the store and knowing that this was going nowhere fast, I chose to walk away and let it go. I could have sworn I heard him mumble a not-so-nice name behind my back, but I am choosing to believe that there was a female dog walking past at that moment. Whatever. I was more disappointed that I didn't get to share my funny find with anyone at the time (and impressed that he knew a word with so many letters).

I'm Melting, I'm Melting....

Ari says:
Yes, I know; I haven't blogged in a week and now you get two back to back. Don't whine about it, revel in it. Anyway, do you want to hear what I have to say or not? Well, I guess that's obvious since you're reading this. Ok, so I left the office a bit early on Tuesday (long story, don't ask) and came back Wednesday morning to an email from Angie (our amazingly wonderful office goddess) saying that the AC was out and that they were working to fix it. No big deal to me, I'm usually cold, so yesterday was the first day in a while that I simply did not turn on my space heater. Once I left yesterday, though, I found out why I hadn't been so bothered. It was only in the mid-60's during the heat of the day. Yeah, so today our AC is still on the blink and it is about 80 or so outside. Big difference. I'm fighting off sleep (more so than usual) and have actually removed the little shirt/jacket that was concealing my tank. That had to go. And now, to conserve energy in this area, they have cut off the main running lights, so that it is now a very shaded and fairly dark area. Right... I'll be awake for the next 2 hours. Sure.

I'm Still Here

Ari says:
No, dear readers, you haven't gotten rid of me yet. I've just been dealing with a few demons recently and haven't had the appropriate level of moxy needed to contrive such abundant issues to which you've become accustomed. Demon slaying aside, you deserve a weekend wrap-up and I have been remiss. My wayward husband made it home Friday evening and he was smart enough not to check his bag. I walked in to the airport, found him and we walked out. As simple as that and we were home in no time. We spent the rest of the evening drinking champagne, eating snacks in the kitchen and laughing at Sherlock who just couldn't decide whose leg he needed to rub against more. He was so happy that his Daddy was home and was purring so hard that he almost fell off the counter at one point. Quite cute. Saturday was adventure day for us. Bart has decided that he wants to take up playing either the banjo or the mandolin. No, he's never played a stringed instrument, so we're taking things slowly right now. We headed into downtown Nash-Vegas to scope out a few of these instruments and ended up finding some gorgeous pieces that were just a skosh outside of our price range (I'm not prepared to pay $62,000 for something we don't even know if he'll like yet. Call me crazy). We had a great lunch at Jack's BBQ (which is apparently famous, but neither of us had ever been) and then we were off for a little drive. Thanks to gas prices being what they are, we didn't go far, but just enough to get out of the city and mill around some back roads for a while. We finally ended up on the Natchez Trace, and listened to some great tunes and enjoyed the lovely day and our surroundings. We got home with just enough time to change clothes and head back out for our much anticipated movie date. Prince Caspian was fantastic!!! I won't say any more for those of you who haven't seen it, except to say go. Go right now. I'll wait...
We both enjoyed the movie immensely and were both pretty pumped when we left, so we headed into downtown Franklin to visit a favorite pub of ours, McCreary's. The place was nice and quiet and we enjoyed our time there (but not the service, especially). The rest of our night was spent at home listening to music, watching videos online and staying up entirely too late. Sunday was supposed to be another relaxed but fun day, but I really wasn't feeling well at all (and no, it wasn't totally due to hangover). We had a fun lunch with Angela and Bradley, but unfortunately, I was a total wet blanket. Bart and I went home and he indulged me in some reading and napping. He's such a good boy. We ended up having a late dinner at Cozy's and watching Big Fish, while curled up on the couch. The perfect end to the day. Monday's weather matched my mood exactly. It was very overcast with a storm just on the horizon. Bart and I had an easy morning and went to Bread Co. for lunch. After choking down my soup (not because it was bad, but because I still wasn't feeling well) we drove across the street to Borders to get something for Bart for his flight back to CA. I had a couple gift cards and they were having a sale, so we both walked away with some amusing tomes. Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and we all-too-quickly found ourselves on the way back to the airport. I'll spare you. Bradley was sweet enough to invite me over for a Memorial Day cookout, so I spent the evening helping her and Momma B do some baby crafts and eating some wonderful food (again, Laura, the ribs were amazing). And that, dear friends, was the weekend. Nothing exciting, but just enough to whet my appetite for our next visit.

So Totally Couldn't Help Myself

This is how stupid U look. Amen.


All the time. I know. Craziness.

Killer Balloons

Ari says:

Ok, no I didn't hurt myself in the past couple hours, but I actually had something rather amusing happen and thought I'd share it with you and attempt to dig myself out of the "boring" hole I started digging earlier. Here goes: from time to time, my job requires me to send decorations to my stores for sales events. Sometimes these are posters, table cloths, pennants, basically anything to help garner attention and improve shopping morale. One of the easiest things to send (because everyone loves them) is balloons. I usually buy them by the thousands, literally. I have enlisted the help of these buoyant baubles time and again and have found that not only are they easy to have made and to send to the stores, but they are also an easy item for the stores to implement. Just trust me when I say that we've had our issues with other items. Please don't hear me say that my managers are incompetent or unintelligent, but there are times when I wonder if they just "didn't bring their A-game" that day (we actually have a "Wall of Shame" at work with "those" kinds of emails). We recently sent the aforementioned accoutrément to the stores for an upcoming event. Considering I have never had any questions about the balloons (they're fairly self-explanatory), I was rather surprised when I got an email from a manager saying that after filling her balloons with helium, they were just lying about listlessly. "Ok, bad batch" I thought and sent her more. Problem solved. The second email, though, took the proverbial cake. A manager actually emailed to ask if our balloons were latex-free. Apparently he had a customer in the store who was allergic to latex and was "very concerned" about their presence in her shopping abode. It took everything in me not to respond that if she was so concerned she probably shouldn't eat them. I mean really. If you know you have an allergy, don't touch, bite, lick or carouse with something that may endanger you. I know balloons are prone to jumping out at unsuspecting bystanders, but I think (just maybe) that if you keep from touching or inhaling one, you should be ok. Honestly.

38 Hours

Ari says:
But who's counting, really? Tomorrow night Bart is coming home for the holiday weekend, and I'm not excited or anything. Nope, not even a little. I mean, honestly, I don't even like him all that much. Right. The great thing is that we don't have any big plans (except for going to see Prince Caspian), we're just going to take it easy and do whatever we feel like. To give you an insight into how my wacko brain works: for the past few days I've been singing "Here Comes the Snake" by Cherry Poppin' Daddies to myself (no, I'm not being crude, Bart flies a Cobra that they sometimes refer to as "the Snake") (And now you say to yourself, "Well, the title of the blog is making a bit more sense now..."). Wow, this is a boring blog. Sorry you guys. I'll try to hurt myself either today or tomorrow so that I can regale you with my tales of woe. As for now I seem to be in good health and that makes for less-than-stellar blogging. I hope you all have a very speedy Friday Eve and that your weekend stretches on forever.

Sore-ly Disappointed

Ari says:
Ow. I mean really: Ouch. Apparently this blog is becoming the location to document all of my ridiculous aches, pains and mishaps. Grr. At least this time I am not injured as much as I am responding to activities. Basically, I didn't hurt myself by accident, I did it on purpose. Ok Lucy, I'll 'splain. Saturday was a gorgeous day here in the big Nash-vegas and I had promised Angela that I would help her weed out and replant her flower bed. We made a trip to Home Depot to get some mulch and plants (I used my "big girl truck" to haul it all around) and then we were ready to go. We realized that the last time anything had been done to this particular area was almost exactly 2 years ago. Yeah, it was a long day. We commenced eradicating the offensive weeds and dead plants and 2 hours later were only halfway into our task. We dug, scraped and clawed our way into the depths of the earth only to find that the roots we were tracking actually had no beginning or end (I won't even go into the numerous apologies to earthworms or screams at scampering spiders). Finally, everything was removed and bagged and we were ready to plant. The planting, top soiling and mulching took much less time and eventually we had a lovely little garden to show for all our hard work. That's when the pain set in. Apparently I used every single muscle in my body and by Sunday morning they had all joined forces to form one giant "super" muscle that would be in a perpetual state of soreness and pain. Yeah, I'm sore, but it's a good kind of sore. I was supposed to clean my floors and wash Bart's truck yesterday, but I'm sure you can guess that these things just didn't happen. I spent yet another day feeling rather proud of and sorry for myself. I am such a big baby.
And now for something completely different: for all of you blog-readers and day-wasters, Miss Katie has a new blog and invites you to read it. Head over to Bugg's Life for fun, folly, frivolity and a few infractions.

Let's Go to the Movies!

Ari says:

Go ahead, you know you want to sing the song from Annie when they go to the theater and they have it all to themselves, and all those ladies are dancing on stage and they have the weird silver condoms on their heads. I'm singing it right now, as I'm typing (yes, I know I'm talented, and no, I don't have any prophylactic headgear). I'm getting carried away... let's get back on track. This weekend the new Chronic (what?) cles of Narnia: Prince Caspian movie is coming out (that's actually "Chronicles", but if you don't know what I'm referring to, you must click here) and there are already rave reviews of this movie. If you aren't excited yet, then I'm guessing you don't have a pulse, but if you are, please join me for a quick squealing-while-jumping-up-and-down-and-waving-hands session. For those of you who want to be in the know, check out some movie reviews or head over to IMDB to get the full scoop on the cast, characters, synopsis and trailers. As for me, I have finished reading the book (for the second time) and am anxiously awaiting next weekend to go see it. Yes, I know you are shocked and amazed that I don't have my Fandango tickets in hand, but I promised Bart that we would see it together when he comes into town. I'm entirely too devoted to that man. Maybe if I am devoted enough he'll actually write a blog (insert: hint, jab, rib poke)? Enjoy the movie everyone!

When Shampoo Attacks

Ari says:

I know you all see me as this lithe and graceful, multi-dimensional, intelligent and beautiful woman (and I hate to shatter this illusion), but, contrary to popular belief, I too have my faults. I'll give you a minute to get over the shock.... Now that I have you all back with me, I must confess that from time to time I am prone to an attack of clumsiness. Last night was one of those instances. Yes, dear reader, I was in the shower after my workout (don't worry, this is family friendly) and was almost finished when I realized that my bottle of shower gel was creeping to the low side of the bottle. Side note: Usually, I leave my bottles open in the shower so that I don't have to mess with wet and soapy hands trying to grapple open a container of conditioner or whatnot, but when they get low, I close them and turn them upside-down to get out every last drop. Anyway, it was that time for the shower gel and I pulled it down, closed the cap, and set it leaning against the shampoo bottle (it has a rounded top, so it has to lean). Well, I didn't realize, but the soap bottle was too thin for the shelf and started to slip through. With my cat-like reflexes I grabbed the soap bottle out of the air and righted it before damage could be done. Crisis averted? I think not. In the process, I hit the (rather large) bottle of shampoo which then came cascading down the wall of the shower. Luckily, my ankle was there to break its fall. Can I just say ouch? Yeah, that was about a 3 lbs of hard plastic ramming into a bony part of my body. Before I was even out of the shower, my ankle had started to swell and discolor (I'm on the swole). I spent the rest of the evening on the couch with an ice-pack (of frozen veggies) and a feeling of utter self-pity.

All Hitched Up

Ari says:

It's o-fficial!! Bethie is all married. Wow, I still can't quite believe it, but I'm sure it will sink in eventually. This weekend marked the end of an era. The founding members of the GOB Scale are now married off and getting on with their more demure and reserved lives (please remember everything is relative). To ward off any fears of my favorite twins, I will not go into any explanation of the GOB Scale at this time, but if anyone needs some good stories, give me a call and I will regale you with tales of teenage mayhem. However, in honor of this momentous occasion, I have a couple memories that I'd like to share with Beth and Katie (please know that I'm not excluding the rest of you, I just have a lot of history with these girls):

-LTMS, need I say more?

-Cheerleading routines

-The Notebook (not the movie)

-really good fights

-"I'm not trying to fee-bunny."

-Your parent's back porch

-Cops (birthday party, Glendover, etc)

-The Land Yacht

-Techno music

-Boys, boys, boys...

Honestly, I could go on forever. Beth and Katie, I thank you for being two of the most wonderful friends anyone could have. I love you both dearly. Beth, make sure Stephen takes care of you and loves you the way you deserve. If anyone can keep him in line, it's you.

Ok, enough sappy junk, and on to the good stuff. The weekend was a blast! Thursday night was the highly anticipated bachelorette party, complete with a pink Hummer stretch limo. (Can you believe I actually got in?) Well, we decked Beth out in the fun veil, sash, blinky ring and all the other stuff that goes with it and set off. We drove around Lexington for a bit, enjoying our champagne and showing off and then headed to dinner at Joe B's. Our server decided to have a massive brain fart before we got there, so it took us a bit longer than we planned. Luckily, I was at the fun table, so I didn't mind taking the time. After dinner we headed to Marika's (sp?) for drinks and a couple reunions (unplanned) and got back downtown in time to let our beleaguered driver go at the appointed time. We stopped in at Redman's for a few and then trekked back to the hotel to put our bride-to-be in bed. The rest of the evening was spent fending off inebriated bachelors and scouring the city for a lost entity. (Yeah, that's a long story that I'm not getting into.) Friday was the rehearsal, dinner and cookout. Awesome stuff and some great food! Saturday dawned fresh and beautiful ("It's a nice day for a white wedding") and we were all ready for the big show. Everything went down without a snag, but we did get the "hitch" part taken care of. The only "goof" was that the minister forgot that I was supposed to sing. Oops! No big deal, and I'm guessing a few people were as relieved as I was. The reception was way too much fun and I spent the evening dancing with some of my favorite people, including a set of twins, a hot redhead and a MILF (and no, Ice Dancer Barbie will not be included in this list).

All in all, it was a great weekend. Congratulations to Beth and Stephen and a huge Thank You to Katie and Neil for letting me crash. Love you guys!!

Animal Kingdom

Ari says:
I, Ariana Bartolomea, am the new Ace Ventura (sans bad hair and Hawaiian shirt), a Squirrel Whisperer of sorts. This past Saturday Sherlock and I were visited by a baby squirrel who decided to make our porch his home for the day and spent his time tormenting the cat. So here's what happened: I was enjoying a great book in bed, doing a lazy-Saturday-afternoon thing when Sherlock abruptly sits up and darts out of the bedroom. 2 seconds later I hear the blinds by the sliding door go crazy and realize that there must be something outside grabbing my cat's attention. Upon investigation, I find a 10 inch long, baby imitation of a squirrel. His tail was at least half his length. He was poised on his haunches right by the window staring down Sherlock. The cat, of course, was trying desperately to paw his way through the glass doors in the attempt of bagging a meal. For the next few hours (literally), our visitor proceeded to tease the cat by sprinting back and forth across the porch, climbing the screen door, tottering on the wood pile and basically running amok. Sherlock tried his darnedest to catch his fuzzy tempter, but to no avail. That layer of glass was just too difficult an obstacle. I spent the time laughing, snapping pictures and giving my Mom a play-by-play on the phone. In the meantime, I found that the little critter wasn't nearly as scared of me as he should have been. Bart suggested I try to give him some food, so I went outside to leave a pile of sunflower seeds. In the process, the squirrel returned and just looked at me like "Sup?" and proceeded to walk right under the chair I was sitting in and grab some seeds. Knowing that although this creature was precious, he was probably also filthy and possibly mean, I think I ended up being a bit more frightened of him than he was of me, so I basically got trapped on my porch by the squirrel. As I was debating on how best to get back into the apartment, a very small lizard made his way into the arena. He and the squirrel started circling each other like odd Sumo wrestlers. I was convinced I was a goner until the lizard scampered off, distracting the squirrel and I was able to make my way back to the relative safety of my home. It's easier to laugh when you're not worried about getting rabies. The rest of the afternoon was quiet, despite the occasional clash of the blinds and the rare thump when Sherlock would try to jump straight through the window.